~The Book Of Techdom~
The Holy Book of Techies
~The Book of Genesis~
1In the beginning there was a stage, and the stage was without lights or sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And did the Technical Director (hereinafter referred to as the TD) said “Let there be lights!” and the TECHIES worked and wired all night, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting- yes lights of all shapes, sizes, and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was there darkness on the faces of the actors. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
2And the TD looked upon the actors and saw that although they walked in light, they did walk upon a bare stage, and had no place to be and the TD was moved to pity. And the TD said, “Let there be a set!” and the TECHIES scrambled and worked all night and there was a set, with platforms, wagons, stairs, and furniture of various types and sizes, each according to the need. And the actors did walk within the set, and did have a place to be. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
3And the TD saw the actors, that although they did have a place to be, they did look like fools, for they waved their hands, clutched at open air, and struck each other with nothing. And in his heart, the TD was moved to pity. 4And the TD said "Let there be props!" and the TECHIES worked feverishly and did buy and build, and there were props. And they were good. And the evening and the morning were the third day.
And the costumer looked upon the actors and saw that they did go forth in blue jeans and the costumer knew that this would not do. And the costumer said "Let there be costumes!" and the TECHIES did cut and sew and shape, and there were costumes, each sized to the actor, according to the play, and keeping in with the role. And no more did the actors go forth in blue jeans, and the costumer saw the costumes, that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
5And the TD watched the play, and saw that the actors did wait in silence, and was moved to pity. And the TD said "Let there be sound!" and the TECHIES worked and taped, and there were sounds each according to its place and cue, all at the proper levels. And the TD heard the sounds that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
6And the director set foot in the theatre and saw the work of the TECHIES and said "Let the set be thrown in the Trash," "Let the costumes be burned," and "Let the lights be refocused!" And lo forth, the TECHIES worked all night, rebuilding, rechanging, and remaking the set, lights, and costumes. The TECHIES finished by the next performance. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
7And it was good!
8And lo, all these works were completed in one night, where originally took five days, showing that if God had used sufficient TECHIES in the first place, he would have finished sooner. Amen.
1In the beginning there was a stage, and the stage was without lights or sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And did the Technical Director (hereinafter referred to as the TD) said “Let there be lights!” and the TECHIES worked and wired all night, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting- yes lights of all shapes, sizes, and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was there darkness on the faces of the actors. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
2And the TD looked upon the actors and saw that although they walked in light, they did walk upon a bare stage, and had no place to be and the TD was moved to pity. And the TD said, “Let there be a set!” and the TECHIES scrambled and worked all night and there was a set, with platforms, wagons, stairs, and furniture of various types and sizes, each according to the need. And the actors did walk within the set, and did have a place to be. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
3And the TD saw the actors, that although they did have a place to be, they did look like fools, for they waved their hands, clutched at open air, and struck each other with nothing. And in his heart, the TD was moved to pity. 4And the TD said "Let there be props!" and the TECHIES worked feverishly and did buy and build, and there were props. And they were good. And the evening and the morning were the third day.
And the costumer looked upon the actors and saw that they did go forth in blue jeans and the costumer knew that this would not do. And the costumer said "Let there be costumes!" and the TECHIES did cut and sew and shape, and there were costumes, each sized to the actor, according to the play, and keeping in with the role. And no more did the actors go forth in blue jeans, and the costumer saw the costumes, that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
5And the TD watched the play, and saw that the actors did wait in silence, and was moved to pity. And the TD said "Let there be sound!" and the TECHIES worked and taped, and there were sounds each according to its place and cue, all at the proper levels. And the TD heard the sounds that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
6And the director set foot in the theatre and saw the work of the TECHIES and said "Let the set be thrown in the Trash," "Let the costumes be burned," and "Let the lights be refocused!" And lo forth, the TECHIES worked all night, rebuilding, rechanging, and remaking the set, lights, and costumes. The TECHIES finished by the next performance. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
7And it was good!
8And lo, all these works were completed in one night, where originally took five days, showing that if God had used sufficient TECHIES in the first place, he would have finished sooner. Amen.
~The Book of Bill~
And when God had created light, and sets, and props, and costumes, and the like, God rested, and this Sabbath day he named the Cast Party. And the Cast Party was good. But on the morning following this said Sabbath, the Lord did rise with pain of head and nausea of stomach, and God did go forth into the lighting booth to take unto himself some Pain-Aid and Pepto from the first-aid kit. And because the Lord had not yet drunk of his heavenly goblet of black coffee, he thought, "I shall make a creature in my likeness, and in the likeness of the Techies, who are already in my likeness, and all shall bring me glory." And God took a handful of Pain-Aid and Pepto and created a being in his likeness, and the likeness of the Techies, wearing many tools and garments of only black. And God saw that his creation was good, and firm of joint, and could see in the dark.
And the Techies did party, and build the new creature a beautiful set in which to dwell, with perfect sight lines, a lowering grid, a turntable, three scrims, showers in the back, and gels in the lights. And God said, "My child, I name thee Bill. Go forth and play, Bill." Bill did go forth and play, and henceforward a being running forth like a child on a set would be called a Play. And God said only, "Run, play, and be fruitful; live in great peace on this beautiful set which my Techies have created. Only heed one warning: thou shalt not play pridefully in the vision of anyone, with the exception of the Techies, who are always watching and well should be."
Bill did play for many nights alone with no one but the Techies for company, and was content. But each time God did fade the sunset special from the western side of the theater, Bill's heart cried more and more in torment. And Bill wept to God, "Lord God who hath created me, who hath clothed me and fed me and taught me the holy ways of wrenches and circuits and hath not troubled me to climb any really tall ladders, Lord God, I am lonely and need another like myself." And the Lord was moved to pity. So he took a pipe wrench and smote Bill upside the head, then clipped a lock of his flaxen hair with a utility knife. He mixed this with some sawdust and two measures of joint compound. And God did stir. He stirred until the grid did quake and the heavens flickered. Thus was created another being in the likeness of Bill, but suave of build and of hair as blonde as the morn. God said to Bill, "My son, I offer you the great honor of bestowing this fine creature a name." "I name him Steve," Bill replied with stars in his eyes.
Thusly became Bill and Steve playmates, and there was much frolic and rejoicing on the set. And God saw that they were good, and was not moved to concern. But Bill and Steve grew fond of their games of charades, and were less and less satisfied with the clear, alert gaze of the Techies. "I want not to be gazed upon merely for my light cues," cried out Bill in great distress. "Ah, and I am such a handsome devil," sighed Steve, admiring his reflection in the lid of a paint can. "What a pity that such beauty should go unappreciated!" And God did shake his great head and chuckle, unconvinced that any of his children should go astray.
One night, when the R78's glowed softly in the Fresnels, Steve was stirred to waking by a strange noise. He noticed a shadowy figure standing before him. "Speak, and proclaim thyself!" Steve insisted, leaping to his feet and grabbing a piece of stage artillery from the nearby prop table. "Fear me not," proclaimed the specter. "I am none but a weary traveler, and I have journeyed from afar merely to perceive thy beauty and talent." "You're kidding.” quoth Steve, dropping his sword. "Ah, indeed," the figure did continue, "far and wide hath the news spread of thy ability to behave in the likeness of characters other than thyself." Steve replied, "And I thought it was simple schizophrenia!" with some relief. And the figure did pull forth a business card, and when Steve did inquire as to what meant the strange word "agent," the figure replied that he was none but a human being who appreciated a good performance and liked to see other people appreciate it, too. For a small fee, of course.
Steve did act for the agent, and tap dance, and sing, paying no heed to the word of God. The agent brought in some of his family, then friends, and Steve awoke Bill to play a jazzed-up duet of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" fit to make Patti weep. And the Techies did follow Bill and Steve with large round lights, and adjust the sound as necessary, for they understood the word of God and were bound by their God-betrothed duty. The audience did pound their palms together in applause like unto thunder, standing and whistling and shouting for an encore. God was thus awakened from his slumber.
Bill and Steve were aware of the coming wrath of God, and they ran and hid. God sent forth all the Techies to find them. When the Techies did return, they had retrieved not only Bill and Steve but armloads of 8x10 headshots from the lobby and empty bottles of mineral water from the green room. Bill and Steve did cower before God. And God said: “Henceforward shalt thou be called "actor," And all thy descendants "actor" as well. Thou shalt wear colorful clothes, and be stripped of the holy knowledge of the Techie. For thou hast fallen from my grace.” Bill and Steve wept and cried out for redemption, but it was to no avail, for they had sinned in the eyes of God. 44 And their garments became colorful, and sewn with sequins, and uncomfortable, and their faces coated in pancake makeup. And they did forget all that they were taught about being a good Techie, and needed to be spoken to in small words, and could not see even glow-tape in the dark. And the Techies prevailed.
And when God had created light, and sets, and props, and costumes, and the like, God rested, and this Sabbath day he named the Cast Party. And the Cast Party was good. But on the morning following this said Sabbath, the Lord did rise with pain of head and nausea of stomach, and God did go forth into the lighting booth to take unto himself some Pain-Aid and Pepto from the first-aid kit. And because the Lord had not yet drunk of his heavenly goblet of black coffee, he thought, "I shall make a creature in my likeness, and in the likeness of the Techies, who are already in my likeness, and all shall bring me glory." And God took a handful of Pain-Aid and Pepto and created a being in his likeness, and the likeness of the Techies, wearing many tools and garments of only black. And God saw that his creation was good, and firm of joint, and could see in the dark.
And the Techies did party, and build the new creature a beautiful set in which to dwell, with perfect sight lines, a lowering grid, a turntable, three scrims, showers in the back, and gels in the lights. And God said, "My child, I name thee Bill. Go forth and play, Bill." Bill did go forth and play, and henceforward a being running forth like a child on a set would be called a Play. And God said only, "Run, play, and be fruitful; live in great peace on this beautiful set which my Techies have created. Only heed one warning: thou shalt not play pridefully in the vision of anyone, with the exception of the Techies, who are always watching and well should be."
Bill did play for many nights alone with no one but the Techies for company, and was content. But each time God did fade the sunset special from the western side of the theater, Bill's heart cried more and more in torment. And Bill wept to God, "Lord God who hath created me, who hath clothed me and fed me and taught me the holy ways of wrenches and circuits and hath not troubled me to climb any really tall ladders, Lord God, I am lonely and need another like myself." And the Lord was moved to pity. So he took a pipe wrench and smote Bill upside the head, then clipped a lock of his flaxen hair with a utility knife. He mixed this with some sawdust and two measures of joint compound. And God did stir. He stirred until the grid did quake and the heavens flickered. Thus was created another being in the likeness of Bill, but suave of build and of hair as blonde as the morn. God said to Bill, "My son, I offer you the great honor of bestowing this fine creature a name." "I name him Steve," Bill replied with stars in his eyes.
Thusly became Bill and Steve playmates, and there was much frolic and rejoicing on the set. And God saw that they were good, and was not moved to concern. But Bill and Steve grew fond of their games of charades, and were less and less satisfied with the clear, alert gaze of the Techies. "I want not to be gazed upon merely for my light cues," cried out Bill in great distress. "Ah, and I am such a handsome devil," sighed Steve, admiring his reflection in the lid of a paint can. "What a pity that such beauty should go unappreciated!" And God did shake his great head and chuckle, unconvinced that any of his children should go astray.
One night, when the R78's glowed softly in the Fresnels, Steve was stirred to waking by a strange noise. He noticed a shadowy figure standing before him. "Speak, and proclaim thyself!" Steve insisted, leaping to his feet and grabbing a piece of stage artillery from the nearby prop table. "Fear me not," proclaimed the specter. "I am none but a weary traveler, and I have journeyed from afar merely to perceive thy beauty and talent." "You're kidding.” quoth Steve, dropping his sword. "Ah, indeed," the figure did continue, "far and wide hath the news spread of thy ability to behave in the likeness of characters other than thyself." Steve replied, "And I thought it was simple schizophrenia!" with some relief. And the figure did pull forth a business card, and when Steve did inquire as to what meant the strange word "agent," the figure replied that he was none but a human being who appreciated a good performance and liked to see other people appreciate it, too. For a small fee, of course.
Steve did act for the agent, and tap dance, and sing, paying no heed to the word of God. The agent brought in some of his family, then friends, and Steve awoke Bill to play a jazzed-up duet of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" fit to make Patti weep. And the Techies did follow Bill and Steve with large round lights, and adjust the sound as necessary, for they understood the word of God and were bound by their God-betrothed duty. The audience did pound their palms together in applause like unto thunder, standing and whistling and shouting for an encore. God was thus awakened from his slumber.
Bill and Steve were aware of the coming wrath of God, and they ran and hid. God sent forth all the Techies to find them. When the Techies did return, they had retrieved not only Bill and Steve but armloads of 8x10 headshots from the lobby and empty bottles of mineral water from the green room. Bill and Steve did cower before God. And God said: “Henceforward shalt thou be called "actor," And all thy descendants "actor" as well. Thou shalt wear colorful clothes, and be stripped of the holy knowledge of the Techie. For thou hast fallen from my grace.” Bill and Steve wept and cried out for redemption, but it was to no avail, for they had sinned in the eyes of God. 44 And their garments became colorful, and sewn with sequins, and uncomfortable, and their faces coated in pancake makeup. And they did forget all that they were taught about being a good Techie, and needed to be spoken to in small words, and could not see even glow-tape in the dark. And the Techies prevailed.
~The Ten
Commandments~
Commandments~
1Love thy Gaff as thou would love
thyself.
2Honor thy Stage Manager and thy director.
3Thou shalt not get caught in light.
4Thou shalt not talk louder than a
whisper.
whisper.
5Thou shalt not covet another tech's
headset/torch/blacks.
headset/torch/blacks.
6Thou shalt not drop things from the fly
tower/catwalk.
tower/catwalk.
7Thou shalt not crave sustenance other
than caffeine.
than caffeine.
8Thou shalt not kill another TECHIE.
9Thou shalt assist the actor when
walking through the wings of darkness.
walking through the wings of darkness.
10Thou shalt be as God-like as possible
- fast, quiet, efficient.
- fast, quiet, efficient.
~The Script of Techsodus~
1. And the Children of Vanalstyne were fruitful, and increased like unto Rabbits, and they became a Great people.
2. And there rose up a new King of the Actorites, who knew not the ways of the Theatre.
3. And he said unto his people, Behold, the Children of the Hammer are more and mightier than we. Let us deal with them lest they become Lords of the Theatre and steal our audience.
4. Therefore, they did set over them with petty complaints to afflict them with their burdens, and to break their Spirit.
2. And there rose up a new King of the Actorites, who knew not the ways of the Theatre.
3. And he said unto his people, Behold, the Children of the Hammer are more and mightier than we. Let us deal with them lest they become Lords of the Theatre and steal our audience.
4. Therefore, they did set over them with petty complaints to afflict them with their burdens, and to break their Spirit.
5. Complaints about Props, and Makeup, Costumes, and Sets, Lighting, and all Manner of Technical Things.
6. And the actors did cause the Techies to serve with rigour, fixing all problems that arose, and the Techies were grieved by their afflictions.
6. And the actors did cause the Techies to serve with rigour, fixing all problems that arose, and the Techies were grieved by their afflictions.
7. And the Techies knew no way to relieve their afflictions, for without the actors, truly, they thought, they would have no Audience.
8. And so, the only way they might relieve their cares was by doing Multiplication.
9. On tables.
10. Tnek begat Siradinok,
11. Who begat Uanesor,
12. Yada yada yada.
8. And so, the only way they might relieve their cares was by doing Multiplication.
9. On tables.
10. Tnek begat Siradinok,
11. Who begat Uanesor,
12. Yada yada yada.
Scene II
1. And when the Techie race had Multiplied quite a lot, Thespior, the king of the Actorites saw that the Children of the Hammer were yet greater and mightier than before.
2. And so, Thespior said unto the People of Vanalstyne, Every child that is born unto you from this time forth must be sent into exile in the lands of Gleeclub.
3. And the Techies were sore aggrieved to give up their children, but they knew not how to resist the Actorites.
4. And it came to pass that there was born a certain Techie child, and the child's mother wished that he might not be sent into Gleeclub.
5. Therefore, she placed her child into a box and placed the box in the Dressing Room.
6. And it came to pass that he was found by Primadonna, the daughter of Thespior, and she did take compassion on him.
7. And she said, I will raise this child as my son, and his name shall be called Mikita, for that is the name on the box.
8. And so, Mikita grew to be a man in the house of Thespior, and he learned the way of the actor, yet he was not an actor.
9. And one day, Mikita went out unto his brethren, and he beheld an actor complaining to a Techie.
10. And Mikita was consumed with annoyance, and did tell the actor to bugger off.
11. Whereupon, Mikita was forced to flee from the Theatre, for Thespior was pissed.
2. And so, Thespior said unto the People of Vanalstyne, Every child that is born unto you from this time forth must be sent into exile in the lands of Gleeclub.
3. And the Techies were sore aggrieved to give up their children, but they knew not how to resist the Actorites.
4. And it came to pass that there was born a certain Techie child, and the child's mother wished that he might not be sent into Gleeclub.
5. Therefore, she placed her child into a box and placed the box in the Dressing Room.
6. And it came to pass that he was found by Primadonna, the daughter of Thespior, and she did take compassion on him.
7. And she said, I will raise this child as my son, and his name shall be called Mikita, for that is the name on the box.
8. And so, Mikita grew to be a man in the house of Thespior, and he learned the way of the actor, yet he was not an actor.
9. And one day, Mikita went out unto his brethren, and he beheld an actor complaining to a Techie.
10. And Mikita was consumed with annoyance, and did tell the actor to bugger off.
11. Whereupon, Mikita was forced to flee from the Theatre, for Thespior was pissed.
Scene III
1. He fled into the wilderness, where he came upon a Tablesaw which did turn and turn, and though it was not plugged in, yet ran not out of power.
2. And he heard a Voice which called, Mikita, Mikita, Mikita.
3. And Mikita did say, I'm here, I'm here.
4. The Voice did say unto him, I am the TD of thy fathers, the TD of Tnek, the TD of Siradinok, and the TD of Ueasenor. And Mikita did put on Safety goggles, for he was afraid to look on the TD.
5. Moreover, He said, go thou unto Thespior, king of the Actorites, and tell to him, Thus sayest the TD of Vanalstyne, Let my people go!
6. And so, Mikita returned to the land of Thespior, and he did go unto Thespior and said unto him, thus sayeth the TD, let my people go!
7. And Thespior said unto Mikita, I do not know the TD, neither will I let the Techies go, now go away and bother me not, for I must learn my lines, and I have a headache, and my costume is too small, and my props are unsuitable.
8. And Mikita said unto Thespior, Behold, since you will not let the Techies go, the TD will cause the Techies to cease their work, and a host of plagues to descend upon you, until you will let the Techies go.
9. But still, Thespior's heart was hardened, and he would not relent, whereupon, the TD did cause the Techies to cease their work, and a host of plagues did descend on the actors.
10. On the first night, the Techies did cease their work, and the Set was unfinished, and the actors moved upon it, walking where there would be walls, and sitting where there was no furniture, and the audience did laugh at them.
11. On the second night, the Techies did cease to work, and all the props in the land were lost or broken by the actors, and the actors had no props upon the Stage, and the audience did laugh.
12. On the third night, the Techies did cease to work, and there was no one to repair the costumes that the clumsy actors had ripped, and the actors had to go unto the Stage in nakedness, and the audience laughed even harder.
13. On the fourth night, the Techies ceased work, and the actors found they could not make the audience hear, for they had grown accustomed to using microphones, and now they had none.
14. On the fifth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to work the rigging, and the curtain did not rise, so the audience got bored and went home.
15. On the sixth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was a thick darkness which covered the entire land, and the audience could not see the actors, and went home.
16. On the seventh night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to prompt the actors, whereupon the actors had to improvise near to the whole play, and the audience did laugh and groan.
17. On the eigth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to call cues and tell the actors when to go on, so nothing happened at all, and the audience left, but only after demanding that the actors refund the many shekels they had paid.
18. On the ninth night, the Techies ceased to work, and there was none to advertise the play, sell tickets, make programs, or organize anything like unto a Bake Sale, whereupon no one came to see the play, although by this time, most people had heard it was indeed a crappy play, and would not have come any way.
19. On the tenth night, the Techies ceased work, and there were only actors at the cast party, which caused it to be a very sad thing, since the actors were sore aggrieved about the failure of the play, and many had drunk intoxicating waters and were vomiting until they were hard pressed for space to sit down or sleep.
20. Whereupon, Thespior called Mikita unto him and did say, Lo, you have stricken us with many plagues, and our people are sore aggrieved, and the audience has laughed at us.
21. Wherefore, you may be free, but we now see we cannot survive without you. Therefore, stay, and work as free men, and our two peoples will be fruitful together and share the rewards of our friendship.
22. Thereupon, Mikita said unto Thespior that the TD must decide, and went unto the Tablesaw to hear the word of the TD.
2. And he heard a Voice which called, Mikita, Mikita, Mikita.
3. And Mikita did say, I'm here, I'm here.
4. The Voice did say unto him, I am the TD of thy fathers, the TD of Tnek, the TD of Siradinok, and the TD of Ueasenor. And Mikita did put on Safety goggles, for he was afraid to look on the TD.
5. Moreover, He said, go thou unto Thespior, king of the Actorites, and tell to him, Thus sayest the TD of Vanalstyne, Let my people go!
6. And so, Mikita returned to the land of Thespior, and he did go unto Thespior and said unto him, thus sayeth the TD, let my people go!
7. And Thespior said unto Mikita, I do not know the TD, neither will I let the Techies go, now go away and bother me not, for I must learn my lines, and I have a headache, and my costume is too small, and my props are unsuitable.
8. And Mikita said unto Thespior, Behold, since you will not let the Techies go, the TD will cause the Techies to cease their work, and a host of plagues to descend upon you, until you will let the Techies go.
9. But still, Thespior's heart was hardened, and he would not relent, whereupon, the TD did cause the Techies to cease their work, and a host of plagues did descend on the actors.
10. On the first night, the Techies did cease their work, and the Set was unfinished, and the actors moved upon it, walking where there would be walls, and sitting where there was no furniture, and the audience did laugh at them.
11. On the second night, the Techies did cease to work, and all the props in the land were lost or broken by the actors, and the actors had no props upon the Stage, and the audience did laugh.
12. On the third night, the Techies did cease to work, and there was no one to repair the costumes that the clumsy actors had ripped, and the actors had to go unto the Stage in nakedness, and the audience laughed even harder.
13. On the fourth night, the Techies ceased work, and the actors found they could not make the audience hear, for they had grown accustomed to using microphones, and now they had none.
14. On the fifth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to work the rigging, and the curtain did not rise, so the audience got bored and went home.
15. On the sixth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was a thick darkness which covered the entire land, and the audience could not see the actors, and went home.
16. On the seventh night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to prompt the actors, whereupon the actors had to improvise near to the whole play, and the audience did laugh and groan.
17. On the eigth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to call cues and tell the actors when to go on, so nothing happened at all, and the audience left, but only after demanding that the actors refund the many shekels they had paid.
18. On the ninth night, the Techies ceased to work, and there was none to advertise the play, sell tickets, make programs, or organize anything like unto a Bake Sale, whereupon no one came to see the play, although by this time, most people had heard it was indeed a crappy play, and would not have come any way.
19. On the tenth night, the Techies ceased work, and there were only actors at the cast party, which caused it to be a very sad thing, since the actors were sore aggrieved about the failure of the play, and many had drunk intoxicating waters and were vomiting until they were hard pressed for space to sit down or sleep.
20. Whereupon, Thespior called Mikita unto him and did say, Lo, you have stricken us with many plagues, and our people are sore aggrieved, and the audience has laughed at us.
21. Wherefore, you may be free, but we now see we cannot survive without you. Therefore, stay, and work as free men, and our two peoples will be fruitful together and share the rewards of our friendship.
22. Thereupon, Mikita said unto Thespior that the TD must decide, and went unto the Tablesaw to hear the word of the TD.
Scene IV
1. And when Makita had come again to the Tablesaw, the TD called out to him, saying I am the TD, who hath brought thee out of servitude.
2. Thou shalt follow my laws, and thou shalt be blessed among men, for those who follow my laws build according to the draft of righteousness.
3. Therefore, receive and obey these Ten Really Important Rules, and keep them in your hearts and minds for ever.
4. I am the TD, the Backstage, the Scenedock. Thou shalt have no other place but me.
5. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image without a draft, lest without one you do something wrong.
6. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wood, nor his tools, nor his show job, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.
7. Honor thy tools, thy hammer and screwgun, thy jigsaw and router, lest they cease to function or cause you Grievous Bodily Harm.
8. Thou shalt not act. Truly the actor is needed in the Theatre, but remember that thou art a Techie.
9. Thou shalt not injure thy fellow Techie in any way, whether through carelessness, cruelty, or perversion.
10. Thou shalt not take the name of the TD in vain, nor say any insult unto the TD's face, for the TD does control who gets the good show jobs.
11. Thou shalt not be ignorant of thy task or thy surroundings. If thou understandest not thy task, ask for help, but once you know, let not your mind wander from completing it. But, be not so absorbed in work that you see not the batten flying in on top of you.
12. Thou shalt not begrudge to offer your help where you are needed, albeit the task be not to your liking.
13. Above all, keep always in your heart your love and faith for the Theatre, your memories of good times and friends, and they shall sustain you through all things.
14. Whereupon, the TD ceased to speak, and commanded Makita to bring forth two pieces of three-quarters of an inch plywood.
15. This done, a gleaming router did appear in the air, and did inscribe these Ten Really Important Rules unto the plywood.
16. And the TD said unto Makita, Go, take these laws unto my children, follow them with thy heart, and you and your successors shall prosper.
2. Thou shalt follow my laws, and thou shalt be blessed among men, for those who follow my laws build according to the draft of righteousness.
3. Therefore, receive and obey these Ten Really Important Rules, and keep them in your hearts and minds for ever.
4. I am the TD, the Backstage, the Scenedock. Thou shalt have no other place but me.
5. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image without a draft, lest without one you do something wrong.
6. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wood, nor his tools, nor his show job, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.
7. Honor thy tools, thy hammer and screwgun, thy jigsaw and router, lest they cease to function or cause you Grievous Bodily Harm.
8. Thou shalt not act. Truly the actor is needed in the Theatre, but remember that thou art a Techie.
9. Thou shalt not injure thy fellow Techie in any way, whether through carelessness, cruelty, or perversion.
10. Thou shalt not take the name of the TD in vain, nor say any insult unto the TD's face, for the TD does control who gets the good show jobs.
11. Thou shalt not be ignorant of thy task or thy surroundings. If thou understandest not thy task, ask for help, but once you know, let not your mind wander from completing it. But, be not so absorbed in work that you see not the batten flying in on top of you.
12. Thou shalt not begrudge to offer your help where you are needed, albeit the task be not to your liking.
13. Above all, keep always in your heart your love and faith for the Theatre, your memories of good times and friends, and they shall sustain you through all things.
14. Whereupon, the TD ceased to speak, and commanded Makita to bring forth two pieces of three-quarters of an inch plywood.
15. This done, a gleaming router did appear in the air, and did inscribe these Ten Really Important Rules unto the plywood.
16. And the TD said unto Makita, Go, take these laws unto my children, follow them with thy heart, and you and your successors shall prosper.
~The Book of the Techtor~
God looked down on the theatre as hell week approached and he saw that the techies and actors were not ready for their performance. It was not because they didn't have their lines memorized, or that they didn't have their set built. It was because they couldn't get along with each other long enough to put everything together.
He thought to himself the difference between acting and teching is like the difference between light and dark. For actors are stupid people who do not understand the dark side for they walk in the light. For centuries, an ongoing battle between the light and dark has been taking place with no end in sight. For one cannot have light and darkness together because they are opposites and cannot exist together?
God had to find a way to put an end to this horrible blood bath. He decided to build a buffer between the two sides. He would create a new theatre person composed of the core from both the light and the dark. "My creation will be able to move swiftly in the dark and speak fluently before an audience." said God. "He will know the secrets of the techie equipment and drink large amounts of coffee. He will not be irritating or think that he is above all--like some actors. I will call this person the TECHTOR." he continued.
God created this new theatre person and sent him to the theatre in time for the next play. The Techtor became the envy of all theatre kind. For he did not walk in the dark or the light. He walked in the GRAY! All strived to be like him, but few succeeded. As time passed the actors and techies soon began to unite. For the Techtors, though small in numbers, began to take over the theatre with their superior skills. Since actors are self-centered and don't want anyone taking the spotlight away from them, and techies don't want anyone who stands in that spotlight knowing their techie secrets they rose up as one to over throw the Techtors. A great battle ensued and many actors and techies were lost to the superior Techtors. But the actors and techies were successful and were restored to power and began to reign side by side in peace and prosperity.
God looked down on the theatre as hell week approached and he saw that the techies and actors were not ready for their performance. It was not because they didn't have their lines memorized, or that they didn't have their set built. It was because they couldn't get along with each other long enough to put everything together.
He thought to himself the difference between acting and teching is like the difference between light and dark. For actors are stupid people who do not understand the dark side for they walk in the light. For centuries, an ongoing battle between the light and dark has been taking place with no end in sight. For one cannot have light and darkness together because they are opposites and cannot exist together?
God had to find a way to put an end to this horrible blood bath. He decided to build a buffer between the two sides. He would create a new theatre person composed of the core from both the light and the dark. "My creation will be able to move swiftly in the dark and speak fluently before an audience." said God. "He will know the secrets of the techie equipment and drink large amounts of coffee. He will not be irritating or think that he is above all--like some actors. I will call this person the TECHTOR." he continued.
God created this new theatre person and sent him to the theatre in time for the next play. The Techtor became the envy of all theatre kind. For he did not walk in the dark or the light. He walked in the GRAY! All strived to be like him, but few succeeded. As time passed the actors and techies soon began to unite. For the Techtors, though small in numbers, began to take over the theatre with their superior skills. Since actors are self-centered and don't want anyone taking the spotlight away from them, and techies don't want anyone who stands in that spotlight knowing their techie secrets they rose up as one to over throw the Techtors. A great battle ensued and many actors and techies were lost to the superior Techtors. But the actors and techies were successful and were restored to power and began to reign side by side in peace and prosperity.
~The Book of Mike~
God had created lights, sound, set and props and all was good. His actors acted with gusto and his techies performed with perfection and all was good. But as time went on the cast and crew fell to corruption and deceit. The actors demanded huge amounts of money yet failed to remember their lines or enter on cue. The techies became fat and lazy. They blatantly played with the props and walked in the light. God was not pleased, He needed to restore order. He considered a flood or a plague but neither seemed like it would help. What was needed was a leader. So God needed to find a leader. For 40 days and 40 nights he searched but found no one suitable for the job. No one contained the knowledge of both acting and teching combined with the willpower to lead. He needed to create a being with these qualities. He created a child not of actor or techie and named him Mike. Mike grew up learning the ways of both actor and techie. He was liked and respected by all.
One day when an actor decided not to show up for the show and the techies were all stumbling around drunk in the light Mike decided to act. He wrote down the names and numbers of the cast and crew on the sacred contact sheet. Then on the next day he called everyone before the show to make sure they were there. He suggested to the actors that they should look over their scripts, and they did. He hinted that the techies check their duties and presets, and they did. During the show he followed from the temple of the booth noting when something went wrong. After the show he praised the cast and crew on what they did right and informed them of what needed work. The next night everyone appeared on time and completed their duties. Over the next week the show improved ten-fold. The actors were on cue and knew their lines; the techies were alert and stayed invisible within full blacks. To praise their work, Mike threw a "Castum Partem" and everyone rejoiced. There was much boozing, dancing and loud music. Unknown to Mike the police, a people of differing beliefs, had planted a trap. They imprisoned Mike under the guise of "disturbing the peace". As a sign to others the police strapped him to a boom and paraded him down the street to the theatre where they hung him from the fly loft to die slowly. His followers took his death as a sign that they should carry on his work. A few dedicated "ASM's" who had studied under Mike wrote down his words and ideas for others and became known as the first Stage Managers.
God had created lights, sound, set and props and all was good. His actors acted with gusto and his techies performed with perfection and all was good. But as time went on the cast and crew fell to corruption and deceit. The actors demanded huge amounts of money yet failed to remember their lines or enter on cue. The techies became fat and lazy. They blatantly played with the props and walked in the light. God was not pleased, He needed to restore order. He considered a flood or a plague but neither seemed like it would help. What was needed was a leader. So God needed to find a leader. For 40 days and 40 nights he searched but found no one suitable for the job. No one contained the knowledge of both acting and teching combined with the willpower to lead. He needed to create a being with these qualities. He created a child not of actor or techie and named him Mike. Mike grew up learning the ways of both actor and techie. He was liked and respected by all.
One day when an actor decided not to show up for the show and the techies were all stumbling around drunk in the light Mike decided to act. He wrote down the names and numbers of the cast and crew on the sacred contact sheet. Then on the next day he called everyone before the show to make sure they were there. He suggested to the actors that they should look over their scripts, and they did. He hinted that the techies check their duties and presets, and they did. During the show he followed from the temple of the booth noting when something went wrong. After the show he praised the cast and crew on what they did right and informed them of what needed work. The next night everyone appeared on time and completed their duties. Over the next week the show improved ten-fold. The actors were on cue and knew their lines; the techies were alert and stayed invisible within full blacks. To praise their work, Mike threw a "Castum Partem" and everyone rejoiced. There was much boozing, dancing and loud music. Unknown to Mike the police, a people of differing beliefs, had planted a trap. They imprisoned Mike under the guise of "disturbing the peace". As a sign to others the police strapped him to a boom and paraded him down the street to the theatre where they hung him from the fly loft to die slowly. His followers took his death as a sign that they should carry on his work. A few dedicated "ASM's" who had studied under Mike wrote down his words and ideas for others and became known as the first Stage Managers.
The Book of
Proverbs
Proverbs
Behold, my children, here is wisdom.
Pay heed to these words, and in the
days of thy play, in the hours of thy
performance, thou shall not be caught
short. For truly it is said, "Pay heed to
the errors of others, and thou shall not
make them thyself;" and again, as we
have been told from old, To Thine
Own Self Be True.
1. Give not unto the actor his props
before his time, for assuredly as
the sun does rise in the East and
sets in the West, he will lose or
break them.
2. When told the placement of props
by the Director, write not these
things in ink upon thy script for
as surely as the winds blow, so
shall he change his mind.
3. Speak not in large words to
actors, for they are slow of
thought and are easily confused.
4. Speak not in the language of the
TECHIE to actors, for they are
uninitiated, and will not perceive
thy meaning.
5. Tap not the head of a nail to drive
it, but strike it firmly with thy
strength.
6. Keep holy the first performance,
for afterwards thou shalt party.
7. Keep holy the last performance,
for afterwards thou shalt strike
and then party.
8. Remember always that the TD is
never wrong. If it appears that he
is, then you obviously
misunderstood him for the first
time.
9. Leave not the area of the stage
during the play to go and talk
with the actors, for as surely as
you do, you will be in danger of
missing your cue and being
summarily executed or worse.
10. Beware of actors when flying in
walls, for they will stand and
watch and be crushed.
11. Beware of actors during scene
changes, for they are not like unto
you and are blind in the dark.
changes, for they are not like unto
you and are blind in the dark.
12. Take not thine cues before their
times, but wait for the proper
moment to do so.
13. Take pity on the actors, for in
their roles they are as children,
and must be led with gentle
kindness. Thus, endeavor to
speak softly and not in anger.
14. Listen carefully to the instructions
of the Director as to how he
wants things done-- then do it the
right way. In the days of thy work,
he will see thy wisdom, give
himself the credit, and rejoice.
15. If it is not yours, do not touch it,
for surely as you do, your hand
will be severed.
for surely as you do, your hand
will be severed.
16. If force doesn’t work, you’re not
using enough.
using enough.
17. It is not the question, "What if
something goes wrong?" but,
What will go wrong?"
something goes wrong?" but,
What will go wrong?"
18. Do not miss your cue, for as you
do, your world will crash down
upon your head.
do, your world will crash down
upon your head.
19. The only valid excuse for missing
one's cue is death.
one's cue is death.
20. Do not overestimate the
audience.
audience.
21. Do not underestimate the
audience.
audience.
22. Always write down your blocking
notes, for if you do not, the stage
manager shall punish you.
notes, for if you do not, the stage
manager shall punish you.
23. One must always check their
props, for if thou don't, they will
mysteriously disappear.
props, for if thou don't, they will
mysteriously disappear.
24. To be early is to be on time, to be
on time is to be late, to be late is
to be replaced.
on time is to be late, to be late is
to be replaced.
25. Know thy venue as thou knowest
thine own hand.
thine own hand.
26. And above all, get carried away
not with the glow-tape or they
stage will be like unto an airport.
Remember always that thou art a
techie, born to walk the dark places of
the stage, and know the secret ways of
thy equipment. To thine hands it is
given to mold the dreams and
thoughts of they who watch, and to
make thy stage a separate place and
time. Seek not, as do the actors, to go
forth in light upon the stage, for
though they walk and strut and put on
airs, their craft does truly depend on
you, to shape the dreams that they
would show.
Remember also that though they
depend on you, in their world you exist
to aid them. Remember that thou art a
team, for thou shall party together.
~True Essence of a Techie~
not with the glow-tape or they
stage will be like unto an airport.
Remember always that thou art a
techie, born to walk the dark places of
the stage, and know the secret ways of
thy equipment. To thine hands it is
given to mold the dreams and
thoughts of they who watch, and to
make thy stage a separate place and
time. Seek not, as do the actors, to go
forth in light upon the stage, for
though they walk and strut and put on
airs, their craft does truly depend on
you, to shape the dreams that they
would show.
Remember also that though they
depend on you, in their world you exist
to aid them. Remember that thou art a
team, for thou shall party together.
~True Essence of a Techie~
My friends, be not deceived by the
deluded actors masquerading as
Techies. Remember always the signs
by which thou shall recognize a true
Techie:
1. They move softly during scene
changes, without stumbling or falling.
2. They are silent backstage and aware
of what is happening.
3. They can speak with a great
knowledge of tools.
4. They respect another's job and aid
where they can.
5. They will not whine at an obstacle,
but fix it in silence.
6. They do not just sit and watch.
“We hold these truths self-evident that
all TECHIES are created superior.”
~The Gospel According to Luke~
It is a simple and clear message delivered unto us by Luke:
Our amps are switched off.
The Cans are not patched to the PA.
The Masters are down.
The loudspeakers are disconnected.
THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!
It is a simple and clear message delivered unto us by Luke:
Our amps are switched off.
The Cans are not patched to the PA.
The Masters are down.
The loudspeakers are disconnected.
THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!
~The Book of Exodus~
And lo, as the year begins, so is the Gaffa Tape delivered unto the TECHIES, who do revere and worship the Gaffa. And, soon, does the Gaffa Tape leave the store, to be used by the TECHIES in pursuit of excellence in their techie activities, and also in various activities with fair TECHIE maidens. And, the head TECHIES do soon become worried at the amount of Gaffa used, for while much use of Gaffa does surely lead to a higher plane of TECHIE existence, the year must be split in two: 6 months of plenty, following the delivery of Gaffa unto the TECHIES, and 6 months of famine, when the Gaffa must surely run out.
And lo, as the year begins, so is the Gaffa Tape delivered unto the TECHIES, who do revere and worship the Gaffa. And, soon, does the Gaffa Tape leave the store, to be used by the TECHIES in pursuit of excellence in their techie activities, and also in various activities with fair TECHIE maidens. And, the head TECHIES do soon become worried at the amount of Gaffa used, for while much use of Gaffa does surely lead to a higher plane of TECHIE existence, the year must be split in two: 6 months of plenty, following the delivery of Gaffa unto the TECHIES, and 6 months of famine, when the Gaffa must surely run out.
~The Birth of a Techie~
And lo a parcan in yonder western sky did shine with `152' light. The naive Fresher was attracted to its golden glow but alas there was no room at the projector box. “Try the rostra store where ye may well be able to find a place among the old damp sets of yesteryear.” so the fair techie child arrived at the portal to the lowly store and stepped through to find its techie parents who had returned for freshers week. The fresher was quickly converted to techieism and began uttering the sacred words of `gaffa', AJ' and `lecky' were among the pronouncements.
And low on the second day three members of the ruling party of techie land did arrive bearing gifts of wonderment.
The first bought the backstage pager for communication is the second most holy virtue.
The second wearing a cape of black velvet bought the sacred roll of gaffa for no techie can be truly fulfilled without the wonderment of the gaffa.
The third adorned in strange headwear bought a strange cable which he described as "shed loads of these to shed loads of these."
The techie was truly amazed and grateful.
The three then left but not before promising full and comprehensive training to all new fresher techies.
At this the techie parents could bare the silence no longer and burst into tears.
On the third day three more wise men/persons arrived.
Instead of gifts they bought pearls of wisdom.
The first, the director, spoke of the Promised Land, “One day you shall enter the Promised Land, the new theatre will be completed."
The second spoke of the treatment of lowly things, “Don’t drag the chairs across the floor."
The third and finally visitor just stood there in silence for the masters were down and the amps were turned off. So no-one could hear St Luke offer to buy a round of drinks.
And lo a parcan in yonder western sky did shine with `152' light. The naive Fresher was attracted to its golden glow but alas there was no room at the projector box. “Try the rostra store where ye may well be able to find a place among the old damp sets of yesteryear.” so the fair techie child arrived at the portal to the lowly store and stepped through to find its techie parents who had returned for freshers week. The fresher was quickly converted to techieism and began uttering the sacred words of `gaffa', AJ' and `lecky' were among the pronouncements.
And low on the second day three members of the ruling party of techie land did arrive bearing gifts of wonderment.
The first bought the backstage pager for communication is the second most holy virtue.
The second wearing a cape of black velvet bought the sacred roll of gaffa for no techie can be truly fulfilled without the wonderment of the gaffa.
The third adorned in strange headwear bought a strange cable which he described as "shed loads of these to shed loads of these."
The techie was truly amazed and grateful.
The three then left but not before promising full and comprehensive training to all new fresher techies.
At this the techie parents could bare the silence no longer and burst into tears.
On the third day three more wise men/persons arrived.
Instead of gifts they bought pearls of wisdom.
The first, the director, spoke of the Promised Land, “One day you shall enter the Promised Land, the new theatre will be completed."
The second spoke of the treatment of lowly things, “Don’t drag the chairs across the floor."
The third and finally visitor just stood there in silence for the masters were down and the amps were turned off. So no-one could hear St Luke offer to buy a round of drinks.
~The Plan and The Techie~
1In the beginning there was the Plan.
2And then came the Assumptions.
3And the Assumptions were without
form.
4And the Plan was without substance
5And darkness was upon the face of the
TECHIES.
6And they spoke amongst themselves
saying, 'It is a crock of crap and it
stinketh.'
7And the TECHIES went to the Stage
Manager and said, 'It is a pile of dung,
and none may abide by the odor
thereof.'
8And the Stage Manager went unto the
Production Manager saying, 'It is a
container of excrement, and it is very
strong, such that none may abide by
it.'
9And the Production Manager spoke
amongst the Directors saying, 'It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may
abide by its strength.'
10And the Directors went unto the
Producers saying one to the other, 'It
contains that which aids plant growth,
and it is very strong.'
11And the Producers then went to the
Backers saying unto them, 'It promotes
growth and is very powerful.'
11And the Backers sent forth the
publicity saying unto the Public, 'This
new plan will actively promote the
growth and vigor of the production,
with powerful effects to be felt all the
way to the audience!!!'
12And the Public looked upon the Plan
and saw that it was good.
13And the Plan became Policy.
14And the TECHIES looked upon the
Policy and saw that it was nothing but
the same old shit with a new name.
15And thus, shit happens.
~Hierarchy of the
Superiors~
2And then came the Assumptions.
3And the Assumptions were without
form.
4And the Plan was without substance
5And darkness was upon the face of the
TECHIES.
6And they spoke amongst themselves
saying, 'It is a crock of crap and it
stinketh.'
7And the TECHIES went to the Stage
Manager and said, 'It is a pile of dung,
and none may abide by the odor
thereof.'
8And the Stage Manager went unto the
Production Manager saying, 'It is a
container of excrement, and it is very
strong, such that none may abide by
it.'
9And the Production Manager spoke
amongst the Directors saying, 'It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may
abide by its strength.'
10And the Directors went unto the
Producers saying one to the other, 'It
contains that which aids plant growth,
and it is very strong.'
11And the Producers then went to the
Backers saying unto them, 'It promotes
growth and is very powerful.'
11And the Backers sent forth the
publicity saying unto the Public, 'This
new plan will actively promote the
growth and vigor of the production,
with powerful effects to be felt all the
way to the audience!!!'
12And the Public looked upon the Plan
and saw that it was good.
13And the Plan became Policy.
14And the TECHIES looked upon the
Policy and saw that it was nothing but
the same old shit with a new name.
15And thus, shit happens.
~Hierarchy of the
Superiors~
Producer:
Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single
Bound
Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive
Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
Walks On Water
Gives Policy To God
Director:
Leaps Short Buildings In A Single
Bound
Is More Powerful Than A Switch
Engine
Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet
Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm
Talks With God
Playwright:
Leaps Short Buildings With A Running
Start
Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch
Engine
Is Faster Than A Speeding BB
Swims Well
Is Occasionally Addressed By God
Actor:
Makes High Marks On The Wall When
Trying To Leap Buildings
Is Run Over By Locomotives
Can Sometimes Handle A Gun
Without Inflicting Self-Injury
Dog Paddles
Talks To Animals
Band:
Runs Into Buildings
Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of
Three Times
Is Not Issued Ammunition
Can Stay Afloat With A Life Jacket
Talks To Walls
Chorus:
Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To
Enter Buildings
Says, "Look At The Choo-Choo!"
Wets Self With A Water Pistol
Plays In Mud Puddles
Mumbles To Self
Stage Manager:
Lifts Buildings And Walks Under
Them
Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth
And Eats Them
Freezes Water With A Single Glance
Is GOD
Technical Director;
Walks through solid buildings
Levitates Locomotives off the tracks
Catches Artillery Shells in Teeth and
Eats Them for Breakfast .
Freezes water by just being near it.
Tells God what to do.
~The Genius
of the Stage
Manager~
Lifts Buildings And Walks Under
Them
Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth
And Eats Them
Freezes Water With A Single Glance
Is GOD
Technical Director;
Walks through solid buildings
Levitates Locomotives off the tracks
Catches Artillery Shells in Teeth and
Eats Them for Breakfast .
Freezes water by just being near it.
Tells God what to do.
~The Genius
of the Stage
Manager~
A stage Manager, a Sound Technician
and a Lighting Designer find a bottle
in a corner of the theatre. One of them
rubs it and a genie pops out.
"Since you all found me," he says "you
each get one wish." The Sound
Technician steps up and says, "I'd like
a million dollars and three beautiful
women." POOF! - The Sound Tech is
gone.
The Lighting Designer steps up and
says, "Well, if he can have that, I'd like
TEN million dollars, and my own
personal island with fifteen beautiful
women!" POOF! The Lighting
Designer is gone.
The Stage Manager steps up and says,
"I'd like them both back in ten
minutes."
~The Book of Steve~
God looked down on the theatre as hell week approached and he saw that the techies and actors were not ready for their performance. It was not because they didn't have their lines memorized, or that they didn't have their set built. It was because they couldn't get along with each other long enough to put everything together.
He thought to himself the difference between acting and teching is like the difference between light and dark. For actors are stupid people who do not understand the dark side for they walk in the light. For centuries, an ongoing battle between the light and dark has been taking place with no end in sight. For one cannot have light and darkness together because they are opposites and cannot exist together.
God had to find a way to put an end to this horrible blood bath. He decided to build a buffer between the two sides. He would create a new theatre person composed of the core from both the light and the dark. "My creation will be able to move swiftly in the dark and speak fluently before an audience." said God. "He will know the secrets of the techie equipment and drink large amounts of coffee. He will not be irritating or think that he is above all--like some actors. I will call this person the TECHTOR." he continued.
God created this new theatre person and sent him to the theatre in time for the next play. The TECHTOR became the envy of all theatre kind. For he did not walk in the dark or the light. He walked in the GRAY! All strived to be like him, but few succeeded.
As time passed the actors and techies soon began to unite. For the TECHTORS, though small in numbers, began to take over the theatre with their superior skills. Since actors are self-centered and don't want anyone taking the spotlight away from them, and techies don't want anyone who stands in that spotlight knowing their techie secrets they rose up as one to over throw the TECHTORS. A great battle ensued and many actors and techies were lost to the superior TECHTORS. But the actors and techies were successful and were restored to power and began to reign side by side in peace and prosperity.
God looked down on the theatre as hell week approached and he saw that the techies and actors were not ready for their performance. It was not because they didn't have their lines memorized, or that they didn't have their set built. It was because they couldn't get along with each other long enough to put everything together.
He thought to himself the difference between acting and teching is like the difference between light and dark. For actors are stupid people who do not understand the dark side for they walk in the light. For centuries, an ongoing battle between the light and dark has been taking place with no end in sight. For one cannot have light and darkness together because they are opposites and cannot exist together.
God had to find a way to put an end to this horrible blood bath. He decided to build a buffer between the two sides. He would create a new theatre person composed of the core from both the light and the dark. "My creation will be able to move swiftly in the dark and speak fluently before an audience." said God. "He will know the secrets of the techie equipment and drink large amounts of coffee. He will not be irritating or think that he is above all--like some actors. I will call this person the TECHTOR." he continued.
God created this new theatre person and sent him to the theatre in time for the next play. The TECHTOR became the envy of all theatre kind. For he did not walk in the dark or the light. He walked in the GRAY! All strived to be like him, but few succeeded.
As time passed the actors and techies soon began to unite. For the TECHTORS, though small in numbers, began to take over the theatre with their superior skills. Since actors are self-centered and don't want anyone taking the spotlight away from them, and techies don't want anyone who stands in that spotlight knowing their techie secrets they rose up as one to over throw the TECHTORS. A great battle ensued and many actors and techies were lost to the superior TECHTORS. But the actors and techies were successful and were restored to power and began to reign side by side in peace and prosperity.
~The Book of Techsodus~
And the Children of Vanalstyne were fruitful, and increased like unto Rabbits, and they became a Great people.
And there rose up a new King of the Actorites, who knew not the ways of the Theatre.
And he said unto his people, Behold, the Children of the Hammer are more and mightier than we. Let us deal with them lest they become Lords of the Theatre and steal our audience.
Therefore, they did set over them with petty complaints to afflict them with their burdens, and to break their Spirit.
Complaints about Props, and Makeup, Costumes, and Sets, Lighting, and all Manner of Technical Things.
And the actors did cause the Techies to serve with rigor, fixing all problems that arose, and the Techies were grieved by their afflictions.
And the Techies knew no way to relieve their afflictions, for without the actors, truly, they thought, they would have no Audience.
Tnek begat Siradinok,
Who begat Uanesor,
Yada yada yada.
And when the Techie race had multiplied quite a lot, Thespior, the king of the Actorites saw that the Children of the Hammer were yet greater and mightier than before. And so, Thespior said unto the People of Vanalstyne, Every child that is born unto you from this time forth must be sent into exile in the lands of Glee club.
And the Techies were sore aggrieved to give up their children, but they knew not how to resist the Actorites.
And it came to pass that there was born a certain Techie child, and the child's mother wished that he might not be sent into Glee club.
Therefore, she placed her child into a box and placed the box in the Dressing Room.
And it came to pass that he was found by Primadonna, the daughter of Thespior, and she did take compassion on him.
And she said, I will raise this child as my son, and his name shall be called Mikita, for that is the name on the box.
And so, Mikita grew to be a man in the house of Thespior, and he learned the way of the actor, yet he was not an actor.
And one day, Mikita went out unto his brethren, and he beheld an actor complaining to a Techie.
And Mikita was consumed with annoyance, and did tell the actor to bug off.
Whereupon, Mikita was forced to flee from the Theatre, for Thespior was very angry at his arrogance.
He fled into the wilderness, where he came upon a Table saw which did turn and turn, and though it was not plugged in, ran not out of power.
And he heard a Voice which called, “Mikita, Mikita, Mikita”.
And Mikita did say, “I'm here, I'm here.”
The Voice did say unto him, “I am the TD of thy fathers, the TD of Tnek, the TD of Siradinok, and the TD of Uanesor.” And Mikita did put on Safety goggles, for he was afraid to look on the TD.
Moreover, He said, “Go thou unto Thespior, king of the Actorites, and tell to him, thus sayest the TD of Vanalstyne, Let my people go!”
And so, Mikita returned to the land of Thespior, and he did go unto Thespior and said unto him, “Thus sayeth the TD, let my people go!”
And Thespior said unto Mikita, “I do not know the TD, neither will I let the Techies go, now go away and bother me not, for I must learn my lines, and I have a headache, and my costume is too small, and my props are unsuitable.”
And Mikita said unto Thespior, “Behold, since you will not let the Techies go, the TD will cause the Techies to cease their work, and a host of plagues to descend upon you, until you will let the Techies go.”
But still, Thespior's heart was hardened, and he would not relent, whereupon, the TD did cause the Techies to cease their work, and a host of plagues did descend on the actors.
On the first night, the Techies did cease their work, and the Set was unfinished, and the actors moved upon it, walking where there would be walls, and sitting where there was no furniture, and the audience did laugh at them.
On the second night, the Techies did cease to work, and all the props in the land were lost or broken by the actors, and the actors had no props upon the Stage, and the audience did laugh.
On the third night, the Techies did cease to work, and there was no one to repair the costumes that the clumsy actors had ripped, and the actors had to go unto the Stage in nakedness, and the audience laughed even harder.
On the fourth night, the Techies ceased work, and the actors found they could not make the audience hear, for they had grown accustomed to using microphones, and now they had none.
On the fifth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to work the rigging, and the curtain did not rise, so the audience got bored and went home.
On the sixth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was a thick darkness which covered the entire land, and the audience could not see the actors, and went home.
On the seventh night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to prompt the actors, whereupon the actors had to improvise near to the whole play, and the audience did laugh and groan.
On the eighth night, the Techies ceased work, and there was none to call cues and tell the actors when to go on, so nothing happened at all, and the audience left, but only after demanding that the actors refund the many shekels they had paid.
On the ninth night, the Techies ceased to work, and there was none to advertise the play, sell tickets, make programs, or organize anything like unto a Bake Sale, whereupon no one came to see the play, although by this time, most people had heard it was indeed a boring play, and would not have come any way.
On the tenth night, the Techies ceased work, and there were only actors at the cast party, which caused it to be a very sad thing, since the actors were sore aggrieved about the failure of the play, and many had drunk intoxicating waters and were vomiting until they were hard pressed for space to sit down or sleep.
Whereupon, Thespior called Mikita unto him and did say, “Lo, you have stricken us with many plagues, and our people are sore aggrieved, and the audience has laughed at us.
Wherefore, you may be free, but we now see we cannot survive without you. Therefore, stay, and work as free men, and our two peoples will be fruitful together and share the rewards of our friendship.”
Thereupon, Mikita said unto Thespior that the TD must decide, and went unto the Table saw to hear the word of the TD.
And when Makita had come again to the Table saw, the TD called out to him, saying “I am the TD, who hath brought thee out of servitude.
Thou shall follow my laws, and thou shall be blessed among men, for those who follow my laws build according to the draft of righteousness.
Therefore, receive and obey these Ten Really Important Rules, and keep them in your hearts and minds for ever.”
“I. I am the TD, the Backstage, the Scene dock. Thou shall have no other place but me.
II. Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image without a draft, lest without one you do something wrong.
III. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wood, nor his tools, nor his show job, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.
IV. Honor thy tools, thy hammer and screw gun, thy jigsaw and router, lest they cease to function or cause you Grievous Bodily Harm.
V. Thou shall not act. Truly the actor is needed in the Theatre, but remember that thou art a Techie.
VI. Thou shall not injure thy fellow Techie in any way, whether through carelessness, or cruelty,
VII. Thou shall not take the name of the TD in vain, nor say any insult unto the TD's face, for the TD does control who gets the good show jobs.
VIII. Thou shall not be ignorant of thy task or thy surroundings. If thou understandest not thy task, ask for help, but once you know, let not your mind wander from completing it. But, be not so absorbed in work that you see not the batten flying in on top of you.
IX. Thou shall not begrudge to offer your help where you are needed, albeit the task be not to your liking.
X. Above all, keep always in your heart your love and faith for the Theatre, your memories of good times and friends, and they shall sustain you through all things.”
Whereupon, the TD ceased to speak, and commanded Makita to bring forth two pieces of three-quarters of an inch plywood.
This done, a gleaming router did appear in the air, and did inscribe these Ten Really Important Rules unto the plywood.
And the TD said unto Makita, “Go, take these laws unto my children, follow them with thy heart, and you and your successors shall prosper.”
~The Prayer of the Techies~
Our TD,
Whom art in the scene shop,
Hallowed be thy drill,
Thy hammers strike,
With force and might,
On oak as they do on redwood;
Give us this play,
Our techie bash;
And forgive us our mistakes,
As we forgive actors who break what we make;
And lead us not into spotlights,
But deliver us to darkness;
For thine is the duct tape, and the power tools,
And the glory of the techies, now and forever,
Amen
Our TD,
Whom art in the scene shop,
Hallowed be thy drill,
Thy hammers strike,
With force and might,
On oak as they do on redwood;
Give us this play,
Our techie bash;
And forgive us our mistakes,
As we forgive actors who break what we make;
And lead us not into spotlights,
But deliver us to darkness;
For thine is the duct tape, and the power tools,
And the glory of the techies, now and forever,
Amen
~Theatre Logic~
1In is down, down is front
Out is up, up is back
2Off is out, on is in
And of course-
3Left is right and right is left
4A drop shouldn’t and a
Block and fall does neither
5A prop doesn’t and
6A cove has no water
7Tripping is OK
8A running crew rarely gets anywhere
9A purchase line buys you nothing
10A trap will not catch anything
11A gridiron has nothing to do with football
12Strike is work (in fact a lot of work)
13And a green room, thank heavens, usually isn’t
14Now that you’re fully versed in
15Theatrical terms,
Break a leg.
But not really.
~Logic of Thy
Counting~
Sound guys count to two, musicians
count to four, dancers count to eight,
but always start at five.
Counting~
Sound guys count to two, musicians
count to four, dancers count to eight,
but always start at five.
~Call Codes~
LIGHTS
LIGHTS
101 This board is a genuine,
honest-to-God, bona-fide real life
copy of a piece of shit..
102 Ahh, COME ON! A trained
octopus couldn't take a cue like
that.
103 I think the dimmer pack is on
fire.
104 I wasn't even near the light
board.
105 Somebody backstage must
have done it.
106 This fu*kin light would look
great in an outhouse.
107 Is this fiasco over yet?
108 Hey, turkey, you’re supposed
to stand in the light, that's what it's
there for.
109 You want me to take how
many presets in ten seconds?
110 If you want that kind of
garbage, buy a light organ.
111 That's the ugliest set of color
washes I have ever seen.
112 The turds upstairs won't buy us
one.
113 Even if they did buy one, it
wouldn’t help.
114 Is it act three yet?
115 It was dimmer creep.
116 Send the cute one up to the
light booth.
117 That's one fuggly (fu*k ugly)
colour.
SOUND
120 You couldn’t hear a stick of
dynamite at ten paces.
121 Back off the mike, asshole.
122 This amp would make a lovely
boat anchor.
123 Don't thump on the mics.
124 Don't blow into them either.
125 Is this turkey over yet?
126 Must be a loose wire . . . somewhere.
127 Ah, I think the console is on
fire.
128 No, dipstick, you’re supposed
to use the other end of the mic.
129 If you want that kind of
bullshit, buy a synthesizer.
130 I'm deeply sorry that I do not
have enough cord to go to Cuba.
131 Of course the stack is leaning,
you set the fucking thing right on
my foot.
132 Send the cute one up to the
sound booth.
FOLLOWSPOT
140 How come I always get the
ones that move like a rabbit in
heat?
141 You want that kind of
coverage, Scrooge, hire another
followspot.
142 No sucker, six colors is all you
get.
143 I prefer the crotch shot, myself.
144 These machines aren't worth
diddly squat.
145 Can we do without the next
cue? I gotta go pee.
146 More BEER!
147 I can t help it- some bear in
trousers and a funny hat just
stomped my light out.
BACKSTAGE
150 You said to drop it, you didn’t
specify where and how fast.
151 B O R I N G
152 Is this piece of horse doo-doo
over yet?
153 Hey you, don t run into my
baton so hard.
154 Gone for pizza, take the scene
shift without me.
155 Hey asshole, you want to
stand under that sandbag over
there?
156 Good golly Miss Molly, will you
look at the gazongas on the one
that just walked in!
157 Ever herd of castors? Little
round things makes moving really
easy.
158 If God had wanted that tank to
fly, He would have put wings on it.
159 Touch that again, and I’ll hang stole my code list. Ha.
you by your balls from the highest
222 Good show guys, I'm going to
point on the grid.
LIGHTING DESIGNER / the bar.
160 If you don’t mind, I'd like to do OPERATORS
it wrong my own way.
200 The fu*king desk has crashed LIGHTING CREW
161 I’ve got the cute one again!
223 The LD's fucked-up again.
backstage.
201 Oh shit I thought this song was
224 Who rigged this? Its supposed
*x* not *y* to be straight!
STAGE MANAGER
202 Oh no not this song again.
225 Sh*t! Did you see that bulb?
170 Is there any possibility that we Anyone got a pillow? blow!
can all take this cue together?
203 What do you mean, "The 226 Oh look Cybers/V-L *x* is
171 Lights: This is your wakeup racks are on fire." ?!? screwed again
call.
204 No you fu*king can't switch
227 Hey! Mind that cable...Oh, too late
172 You want a live cow on stage that rack off for 5 minutes! late...
in what scene?
205 NO NO NO! Don't move in
228 Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause it was less bored than
scene before.
173 Well, I've never heard of that front of that light! Arrrrgggh!
206 Which pillock kicked-over the me!
174 Cues 16 through 82. . .GO! floor cans during changeover?
229 Oh I fu*king *HATE* this song
175 Any chance of us starting anywhere on time?
207 You're all crap. I'm seeing
230 I'm off to catering.
Production straight after the show.
231 Where *IS* catering today?
176 Fu*k cues 103 and 131.
208 I love you all, I'll get you a beer during takedown.
232 What's catering?
177 Oh, suck mine.
233 Is that supposed to be smoking like that?
209 I'm not being fu*king paid take it like you get it.
179 “Call em like you want em or enough to cope with this sh*t.”
234 Where's my fu*king maglite?
210 Fu*k me that didn't happen
235 Who wants to crawl across the
180 You couldn't find two St. when I pressed that yesterday. back of stage today?
Bernards if they were screwing in
211 Pyros? Pyros? NO! NOT NOW
236 Well *I* didn't touch the
the same closet as you. YOU IDIOTS!! fu*king patch!
181 WHAT did you say was on 212 How the heck do you program 237 Look at that one! Where's that
fire? this desk... spare pass?!?
182 What is someone as talented 213 It isn't working! It isn't working! 238 Fu*king take-down and the
as me doing working on a piece of Oh sh*t oh sh*t oh sh*t! LD's ponced-off again.
junk like this? 214 Hmmm? What? Wooops!
183 Pardon me, but you have missed that again... FOLLOWSPOTS
obviously mistaken me for 216 what the heck is that Cyber/V-239 Oh sh*t, you numbered them
someone who gives a shit. L doing!?! in *THAT* direction!
184 Half over, guys. 218 I want more lights. 240 I thought *HE* was the lead
185 This same old shit has got to 219 The fu*king scrollers have guitar!
stop. gone into disco mode again! 241 I can't hold it any steadier!
186 Is it art, yet? 220 The patch is fu*ked again.
242 Sh*t the shutter's jammed
187 Sit on the rail and spin, fucker.
221 Hey look at the gorgeous blond again!
188 Can't talk now, some shit-head standing here! Oh, you can't. Ha
243 I thought *I* was spot 4!
244 How fu*king long is this show?
245 Look mate, you come up here
and try and do it better!
246 Get that fu*king light out of my
eyes!
247 Sh*t its really hot up here!
248 Look at the really cute one in
the white top near the front.
249 I need a piss! I forgot a bottle!
Help!
RIGGERS
250 No! Not in the chain-bag!
251 Well it was straight this
morning.
252 What do you mean, you can't
find a fu*king 2m spanset?
253 This shackle is fu*ked.
254 We need another rigger.
255 I'm doing it as fast as I fu*king
can!! Get off my back!!
256 Look, I'm first up and last to
bed, so fu*k you.
257 It won't take that.
258 Send the cute one out to the
bus.
259 Sh*t! The rig is hanging from
the cable-pick again!
SOUND
260 Where's the fu*king feedback
coming from?
261 No no no! Sing *INTO* the
mic, arsehole!
262 Don't stick that in the wedge!
263 Aggggrrhh! Another trashed
mic.
264 These speakers need re-
triming. Now. I don't care it’s mid-
show.
265 We need to test every speaker
tomorrow.
266 I wish I had better mics/
speakers/desk.
267 *I* can play better than that.
268 Well I don't think it’s too loud.
269 No I haven't got a fu*king
spare output.
265 How the does one of these
units work?
266 Sh*t! Missed the THAT running-
out again.
267 I'm too good for this.
268 I hate this venue.
269 Where's the way out of
catering?
270 Does that 7am call include
*us*?
271 No I can't move that.
272 Oooohhhhh...look at *that*
one...
273 Well, *we* got our gear out in
half an hour!
STAGE MANAGER
274 Where's the fu*king band
gone?!?
275 2 minutes, guys. Honest. This
time, I promise.
276 We need more light back here!
277 Lights! Lights! Go! Go!
278 Sound! Sound! Switch it on!
279 No, No, not yet they want
to...oh sh*t, too late...
280 I'll be in catering.
281 I'll be in production.
282 Special announcement guys,
don't pack-up yet.
283 Anyone want these flowers?
284 Hmmm, look at...
285 Okay, guys, lets do a quick one
tonight.
PRODUCTION MANAGER
286 Come on, get it up quicker.
287 The trucks have to go in an
hour!
288 No you can't go to catering
289 I'm going to the office.
290 Can anyone fix my fu*king fax/
computer/photocopier?
291 Anyone want to give the
Runner some money for their sh*t?
292 But I got you a screwdriver
*LAST* week.
293 Money no object, fix it!
294 Production can't stretch to
that!
295 The band hated it - we need to
talk straight after the show.
296 The band loved it - see me for
a special bonus after the show.
297 What PD's?
298 *no translation, already
chatting them-up*
299 4 hours sleep is enough, isn't
it?
FOOD
300 I want a Pepsi
301 I want a Root Beer
302 I want a Mountain Dew
303 I want an Orange Soda
304 I want a Snapple
305 I want a Coke
306 I want a Cherry Coke
307 I want a Dr. Pepper
308 I want a Sprite
309 I want a coffee
310 Pass me a french fry
311 Pass me a slice of pizza
312 Pass me a chip
313 No, get your own!
314 Somebody get me a frickin'
coffee!
315 Remember guys, vegetarian.
316 No, you do not have time to
get take out down the street.
317 No, I do not have spare
change.
318 Well, I could give you a dollar
if you hung yourself from the grid...
319 Dinner's on the director
tonight!
320 I take my coffee black, the
way nature intended
thankyouverymuch
321 Not instant again!
322 How can you put that in/on
there?!
323 Can I bum a cigarette off of
anyone?
324 Anyone want to lend me
money??
325 Alright, who left the fries in the
booth overnight?
326 Hey, you didn't tell me you had
food!
327 Anyone want these leftovers?
328 Guys, you can not eat in the
theatre/auditorium/booth/backstage
area/catwalk/etc. tonight.
329 You - get me something from
the vending machine.
330 If you think I'm gonna kiss you
after you've eaten that, forget it!
~Glossary Of
Terms~
Actor/Actress:
1. Un-important nobody who speaks nonsense in front of admirable sets.
2. Mindless, zombie like people who blindly follow the director's commands.
Their success is 99% determined
by the Techies.
* The only good actor is a dead one,
and if that isn't possible or if that can't
be done then gaff taping them to a
chair and leaving them out on stage
works too!
Terms~
Actor/Actress:
1. Un-important nobody who speaks nonsense in front of admirable sets.
2. Mindless, zombie like people who blindly follow the director's commands.
Their success is 99% determined
by the Techies.
* The only good actor is a dead one,
and if that isn't possible or if that can't
be done then gaff taping them to a
chair and leaving them out on stage
works too!
Actor Proofing:
Making your set, props, costumes,
etc, able to survive the blatant disrespect
and misuse that an actor will
give it. An actor will break it if it can
be broken, lose it if it can't, or trip on
it if it is minding it's own business.
Bandsaw:
1. A really big machine that can cutbig pieces of wood and actors body
parts.
2. What the pit musicians see during a musical.
1. A really big machine that can cutbig pieces of wood and actors body
parts.
2. What the pit musicians see during a musical.
Catwalk:
The hottest place on earth, it is to
the Techie what the Batcave was to
Batman.
The hottest place on earth, it is to
the Techie what the Batcave was to
Batman.
Cherry Coke:
The Holy Water of Tech Crew.
The Holy Water of Tech Crew.
Director:
1. Wise, powerful person who is also caring and understanding.
1. Wise, powerful person who is also caring and understanding.
Duct Tape:
1. A type of tape that can fix almost anything.
2. Tape which leaves a gooky, next
to impossible to remove residue on
XLR cables.
1. A type of tape that can fix almost anything.
2. Tape which leaves a gooky, next
to impossible to remove residue on
XLR cables.
Freshmen:
Ye who sweep the stage. (a.k.a.
Frosh, Freshmeat).
Gaffer Tape:
The best type of tape ever made.
There is nothing it can't do (except
fix a broken heart ;-)).
Ye who sweep the stage. (a.k.a.
Frosh, Freshmeat).
Gaffer Tape:
The best type of tape ever made.
There is nothing it can't do (except
fix a broken heart ;-)).
Glue:
1. A sticky substance that is used to help hold stuff in place while being
hammered or screwed.
Example: Liquid Nails
2. What actors use for face masks.
1. A sticky substance that is used to help hold stuff in place while being
hammered or screwed.
Example: Liquid Nails
2. What actors use for face masks.
Hammer:
1. Device used to secure nails into
things like wood and actor's eyes.
2. What techie imposters use to se-
cure screws.
1. Device used to secure nails into
things like wood and actor's eyes.
2. What techie imposters use to se-
cure screws.
Headset:
1. The true sign of power.
2. A piece of equipment used by techies to communicate about the
play during the performance.
3. A piece of equipment used by techies to complain about actors in
the play during the performance
1. The true sign of power.
2. A piece of equipment used by techies to communicate about the
play during the performance.
3. A piece of equipment used by techies to complain about actors in
the play during the performance
Home Depot:
Heaven.
Heaven.
Impossible:
Sorry, not in this vocabulary
Sorry, not in this vocabulary
Light Booth:
Where the cool kids hang out.
Where the cool kids hang out.
Light Crew:
Without them you just can't see
nothin', trust me, I know.
Without them you just can't see
nothin', trust me, I know.
Makita:
In terms of screwdrivers, drills, saws,
etc; the best power tool known to
tech.
In terms of screwdrivers, drills, saws,
etc; the best power tool known to
tech.
Mistake:
1. Anything the audience can see during the performance that
shouldn't be seen.
2. When the director notices some-
thing "wrong" with a techie's work
1. Anything the audience can see during the performance that
shouldn't be seen.
2. When the director notices some-
thing "wrong" with a techie's work
Paint:
1. A substance that is applied to vari-
ous things to change the color.
2. What actors use for face paint.
1. A substance that is applied to vari-
ous things to change the color.
2. What actors use for face paint.
Paint Brush:
1. A tool used to apply paint. It comes in many different sizes.
2. What actors use to apply paint to their faces.
1. A tool used to apply paint. It comes in many different sizes.
2. What actors use to apply paint to their faces.
Pit Musician:
1. A musician who plays during a musical, usually found down in front
of the stage. A step above actors in
social classification, yet cheaper to
replace.
2. A musician who plays music with their pit hair.
1. A musician who plays during a musical, usually found down in front
of the stage. A step above actors in
social classification, yet cheaper to
replace.
2. A musician who plays music with their pit hair.
Play:
A bunch of cool looking sets that
people admire but their admiration
is hampered by a group of un-impor-
tant nobodies talking nonsense in
front of them.
A bunch of cool looking sets that
people admire but their admiration
is hampered by a group of un-impor-
tant nobodies talking nonsense in
front of them.
Prop / Property:
Something that an actor uses during
the play, usually found by a techie.
Something that an actor uses during
the play, usually found by a techie.
Set:
The world the techies build for ac-
tors to live in during the run of a show.
The world the techies build for ac-
tors to live in during the run of a show.
Stage Crew:
There ain't no show without ‘em.
There ain't no show without ‘em.
Stage Managers:
The most advanced techies.
The most advanced techies.
Strike:
Techie's revenge.
Techie's revenge.
Superfrosh:
A freshman of superhuman and/or
extraordinary technical ability.
A freshman of superhuman and/or
extraordinary technical ability.
Techie:
The under-appreciated, over-
worked, behind-the-scenes workers
of the play.
The under-appreciated, over-
worked, behind-the-scenes workers
of the play.
Technical Director:
The head techie who has control
over all the other techies.
The head techie who has control
over all the other techies.
Techtor:
A person who posesses both the
skills of an actor and a techie. Few, if any,
exist.
A person who posesses both the
skills of an actor and a techie. Few, if any,
exist.
Theater Curse:
Saying the true name of "The Scot-
tish Play" by Shakespeare in a the-
ater. The only cure is to leave the
theater, spin around three times, spit,
swear, and ask for permission to re-
enter.
Saying the true name of "The Scot-
tish Play" by Shakespeare in a the-
ater. The only cure is to leave the
theater, spin around three times, spit,
swear, and ask for permission to re-
enter.
Gaffa:
Simply put, A Godsend to All
Techies.
Techies.
FOH:
The place where you send the
sound engineer for productions during
which you don’t want to hear his
whining.
sound engineer for productions during
which you don’t want to hear his
whining.
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